Perfectly Imperfect
by The Kat1
Summary: Seventh year is underway and James still can't seem to get a date with the intelligent and beautiful Lily Evans. After yet another disaster, all seems hopeless until Sirius helps James devise a plan that he claims cannot fail!
1. Chapter 1

**Perfectly Imperfect**

**By The Kat**

"We come to love not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly."

-Sam Keen

**Chapter One **

Professor Milburrow was quite content with his collection of priceless gold gobstones. In fact, as he readily recalled for anyone willing to listen, he had been the reigning national champion seven years in a row when he was in his prime, and had a glittering set of trophies on display to prove it- one of which was handed to him directly by the Head of the Professional Gobstones Guild himself, Donahue Jennings. Settled right between the priceless set of gobstones and his shimmering trophies, was a photograph of Jennings shaking hands with Milburrow. Milburrow was the rather large boy on the left, face ruddy with glee. He wrenched Jennings' arm up and down roughly, Jennings' glasses bouncing dangerously close to the tip of his nose.

Milburrow beamed with pride as the memories came flooding back, as they did every evening when he viewed his priceless possessions before he headed off to bed. He flicked the tassel of his nightcap and yawned. Just as he was turning from the mantle, the precious photograph of Milburrow and Jennings burst quite suddenly into flame.

Milburrow shrieked in the most unmanly way and dove for it. "No!" he gasped, attempting to douse it with his wand. But for some reason, the fire seemed to be repelling the water, and instead began jetting out the opposite end of the wand into Milburrow's left eye. "Argh!"

He swung around wildly, juggling the burning photo while trying to avoid his own wand's relentless blast of water.

"_Confounded thing_!" he hissed, finally gaining control and putting out the flame. Luckily, there wasn't too much damage done, and he was able to fix it with a quick "_Reparo_!"

"Good heavens," he grumbled, placing the photo lovingly back in its rightful spot.

Nothing this strange had ever happened to him in his entire career until he began teaching at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. And this wasn't the first occurrence. In the first two months teaching, he'd experienced a number of these oddities, ranging from random fires, to loss of bodily control, to just plain clumsiness on his part. In fact, he was beginning to think the rumours were true…perhaps the position of Defense Against the Dark Arts professor was indeed cursed…

But Milburrow didn't have a chance to finish this thought, for his gobstones began leaping up, one-by-one, from their positions on the display board, and began firing sickly green goo randomly at his face.

"ARRGGH!" The foul-smelling stuff stuck to his forehead, his clothes, and one squirt got him in the right eye.

Partially blinded and squealing, he began dancing around his office, knocking papers and trinkets from his desk in his frenzy. Important objects crashed around him. "_Imobulus_!" he cried desperately, waving his wand in what he believed was the general direction of the hexed gobstones, for he was blinded by goo. "_Imobuluuuuuus_!" In one swift motion, he hurled his beefy form over his desk for cover, and crashed into his wooden chair, sending splinters about in every direction. But he was not safe for long. The gobstones whizzed after him, randomly spurting their foul goo. He leapt up, covered his head and lumbered out of his office, flinging open the door with a bang. The gobstones followed suit, zooming in formation out after him.

The office fell silent, now a complete disaster. Papers, broken objects, and busted furniture were scattered about, and bits of green goo clung to the floor and walls.

And then, sudden laughter burst from an ominous source. Two dark haired boys materialized in thin air, practically rolling on the floor.

"That was bloody excellent, James," one of them gasped, throwing his arm around his slightly taller companion. His hair was shiny and layered like raven feathers. He had to shake it from his glimmering gray eyes.

The taller boy, James, grinned and ran a hand through his mussed hair. "Thanks. But I must say, that backfiring charm was ingenious, Padfoot."

"Why thank you," he took a bow. "Ahhh…what would we do without this?" He held up a bundle of silvery material in reverence.

"Invisibility Cloaks are quite handy, Sirius," James smirked, taking it and slipping it into his cloak pocket. "For Marauders."

"Indeed," Sirius grinned, and began shuffling though Milburrow's desk. "And I do believe it's safe to say Professor Milton E. Milburrow won't be back next year."

"Good," James glowered. "No one gives James Potter a 'Dreadful' on his essays."

"Aha," Sirius nodded gravely. "So _that's_ how you became Head Boy. You conned your way there." He slammed one of the desk drawers shut irately and continued digging.

"It's all part of my charm and talent." James sniffed and pocketed his wand. His hazel eyes glimmered mischievously. "Plus I'm bloody brilliant and that's all there is to it."

"Yes, well," Sirius rolled his eyes, "I'm sure there are a few…or one…who would disagree."

James' face turned dark briefly, as if Sirius had hit a touchy subject. "Right. Well she's going to get what's coming to her, if I can help it."

"Leave it alone," Sirius sighed. "She's not going to say yes to you, which I believe she's made quite clear many a time now."

James looked bitter. "I just don't understand her! Everyone loves me!"

Sirius cocked an eyebrow.

"Almost everyone likes me…" he revised and plopped down on Milburrow's desk. "I'll make her say yes, I've just got to figure out how."

"Well good luck then. A-ha!" Sirius held up a stack of papers triumphantly. "Old exams. These'll get a hefty price. I'll cut you in. What d'you reckon, James? 80/20?" Sirius wiggled his eyebrows expectantly.

"Don't let Moony see you with those." James flicked a bit of lint from his sleeve and began tossing an odd-shaped gold gadget about in the palm of his hand. It began vibrating and then exploded in a puff of smoke. James raised an eyebrow and dusted off his hands.

"Oh, he's just sore that you made Head. He should have been more aggressive."

"He's not _sore_," James murmured in his defense, "he's just sour that we have all the fun. He really should loosen up, you know."

"I'll leave him a memo." Sirius shoved the last few tests into his bag and tossed James a bottle of firewhiskey. "Let's get going."

James took a generous gulp, wiped his mouth and tossed it back to Sirius who did the same. James slid lightly off the desk and the two sauntered out into the corridor, leaving the hideous mess behind them.

---

"Come _on_, Lily," a tall, willowy brunette beckoned her friend. Her face was painted red and gold to match her outfit, and the charmed painting of a lion on her cheek roared ferociously. "We'll be late!" She was dancing on her toes now.

A petite redhead emerged from the loo, slicking her locks back into a ponytail. Pinned neatly on the collar of her cloak was a gold badge on which the words 'Head Girl' proudly gleamed. "Coming, _Audrey_," she mocked. Her emerald eyes gave her friend the once-over and she balked. "Am I underdressed?"

Audrey grunted and wrenched Lily by the wrist. "Let's _move_!"

The halls were a blur as they sped past glimmering banners of black, yellow, and red, and pushed through crowds of students, all headed in the same direction as them: to the Quidditch Pitch. It was the first game of the season, and blasphemy to miss. Not that Lily was particularly fond of Quidditch, but Audrey, a die-hard fan, didn't give her best friend Lily much of a choice in the matter.

Lily gasped for air as they emerged from the masses and slipped behind the stands. The crowd was already rumbling with chatter and excitement. Audrey tugged Lily's sleeve impatiently, gesturing toward her wand.

Lily sighed. Audrey had forced Lily to learn this charm specifically for Quidditch matches. "_No one else can do it as perfectly as you!_" Audrey had pressured, her perfectly straight teeth glittering charmingly. Lily resentfully pulled out her wand and swished it in a complicated fashion. Immediately a spiral of silvery smoke emerged, and she manipulated it into the general shape of a make-shift staircase.

Audrey grinned and pulled Lily along, scurrying up the magical steps. Though Lily reproved of the method, it was Audrey's way of getting the prime seats. And sure enough, it succeeded once again as they plopped down right in the center, able to see every metre of the field perfectly.

"We really shouldn't be doing this," Lily grumbled, tucking her wand away discreetly. "I'm Head Girl. I should be setting an example."

"Rubbish," Audrey murmured, scanning the field with wide eyes for any sign of the players. "No one's perfect."

Lily frowned. "I beg to differ…"

"Of course you do," Audrey voice was deadpan. "Oh, look!" She perked up, nearly knocking Lily over as she leapt from her seat. "There's James!"

Lily sighed and rolled her eyes. But before she could retort, everyone in the bleachers jumped up alongside Audrey and began cheering wildly. Lily didn't bother to join them. She knew exactly what was happening.

James Potter, captain of the Gryffindor Quidditch team would be showing off on his broom right about now, followed by his teammates including the miscreant Sirius Black. The Hufflepuffs would zoom out and shake hands with the Gryffindors and wave to the crowd. Then James would turn around and make some sort of obscene gesture at the other team right about…

The crowd roared with laughter, and the Hufflepuffs and Slytherins booed.

Right on time.

The viewers returned to their seats, getting situated while the whistle was blown for the game to begin.

Immediately, Lily reached into her robes, pulling out a concealed textbook. Audrey was so emmersed in the game she'd never notice. Lily delicately tapped the air around her with her wand to muffle the noise and began reading. She stayed like this, oblivious to the game, for quite some time. What with her N.E.W.T.S. coming up, she couldn't spare a second just sitting around watching some game.

---

James scanned the crowd. Aha. There she was. Lily Evans, smack dab in the middle of the stands. Wait a minute! She wasn't even paying attention! How was she going to see any of his brilliant moves if she wasn't watching? He growled bitterly and turned his attention back to the game. Must focus. Right.

"What's the matter, Potter?" A curly-haired blonde zipped by wearing the Hufflepuff uniform. "Love got you down?"

James glared and grinded his teeth.

"LARSEN PASSES THE BLUDGER TO HIGGINS," the commentator proclaimed. "OH!"

There was a sharp gasp from the crowd. Jane Osmond, James' fellow Chaser had just been knocked from her broom. James growled in fury and sped toward the falling Quaffle. But he was too late. A Hufflepuff Chaser had snagged it.

"OSMOND IS KNOCKED FROM HER BROOM BY AN EXCELLENTLY HIT BLUDGER BY HUFFLEPUFF'S OWN GREGORY HIGGINS! AND- HUFFLEPUFF SCORES!"

The crowd screamed for joy, minus the Gryffindors who grumbled sourly. Higgins was glowing, and he waved his bat in the air.

James beat the air angrily with his fist and cursed himself. He glanced over at Higgins. Gregory was doing flips in midair, and twirling his bat. James frowned and followed Higgins' line of vision…and there was Lily smiling back, those emerald eyes of hers glittering in the setting sunlight, her sleek red ponytail laid neatly over her right shoulder, one hand holding a book and the other waving. Not at James. At Gregory Higgins.

"Oh, so she pays attention for _him_, does she?" James grimaced, whipping the tail of his broom around and zooming across the field towards the Quaffle.

Sirius zipped past him, twirling his bat. "What d'you say we knock that prat Higgins off his sorry Cleansweep?"

James smirked to himself and gave Sirius the faintest of nods. In a flash, James pushed his broom into a nosedive.

The crowd gasped audibly at his brave move.

"POTTER MAKES A DIVE FOR THE QUAFFLE- AND…HE'S GOT IT!"

James clutched the Quaffle in the crook of his arm, speeding toward the goal posts. From the corner of his eye he could see the Hufflepuff beaters Higgins and Larsen gearing up to knock him out. The Bludger was passing speedily between them, closing the distance between them and James. Then, suddenly, Sirius dove between them, smacked the Bludger lightly with his bat, and the Bludger soared toward James.

James passed the Quaffle to another Chaser, spun around shortly and smacked the Bludger with the end of his broomstick. The great Bludger sailed through the air, right toward the wide-eyed Higgins' head. James smirked triumphantly.

"GRYFFINDOR SCORES!"

But Higgins ducked unexpectedly at the last second, and the Bludger buzzed right past. He laughed and shook his bat tauntingly.

---

Lily frowned. Her charm wasn't strong enough. She could still hear the faint screaming voices. Someone must have scored again.

It was quite a lovely day, she observed. The grounds were peaceful, and the cool November sky had just the right amount of clouds. Dusk would come soon. She really hoped the game was close to being over, she-

CRACK!

The crowd gasped and screamed as Lily collapsed into darkness.

---

The room was spinning. Lily opened her eyes. Odd. This wasn't the Quidditch Pitch. In fact, it wasn't even outdoors.

Lily frowned up at the worried face of Audrey. "Where…am I?"

Audrey gasped. "She's awake!"

"Oh thank heavens," Madame Pomfrey scurried over and pushed Lily right back down as she was beginning to sit up.

"What happened?" Lily asked angrilly. Why was she in the hospital wing? And- ow! Bloody hell! She clutched her forehead.

"Now, I healed the gash, dear, mind I haven't cleaned up all the blood…but a good stain-removing spell should do the trick," Madame Pomfrey explained as she began mixing some sort of potion at Lily's bedside.

Lily looked desperately at Audrey.

Audrey shook her head. "You were…well…"

"Knocked out by a Bludger." Another voice, male, cut over Audrey's timid one. Lily was suddenly aware of the small crowd huddled on the opposite side of the room, watching her. "It was a nasty one too…" Sirius Black was speaking, propping himself up with his broom. A few of the Gryffindor team were there as well, ones that she knew. "Sorry 'bout that."

"Sorry my bum," Audrey grumbled low enough for Lily to hear, her arms crossed tightly across her chest.

Lily was still bewildered by all this. Exactly how did that happen? She was just reading her book and then-

"James is real sorry, he is," one of the Chasers spoke up from behind Sirius.

Lily's face went dark. "I-I'm sorry…did you say James?"

"Er…" Sirius had jabbed the Chaser in the side and he now looked as though he were regretting his words. "I mean…what I meant was…"

But the storm was already brewing in her eyes. "James Potter did this? Another one of his stunts? And it almost _killed_ me?"

"Well…" Madame Pomfrey cleared her throat. "I wouldn't say _that_…seriously injured, yes, but…"

Lily wasn't paying attention. She jumped out of bed and pushed past the crowd, ignoring Madame Pomfrey's screeches. She burst through the double doors, and there he was.

James was pacing up and down the corridor, an unreadable expression on his face.

"_You_." She hissed, jabbing a finger in his direction.

"Lily…" he looked up. Something like relief spread across his face. Then he scanned her bloodied robes and bruised forehead. "Er…you don't look so good…"

"Of _course_ I don't 'look so good'!" Lily exclaimed. "You _hit_ me in the _head_ with a Bludger!"

"Right." He cleared his throat innocently. "About that…"

"I don't want to hear it, James," she growled. "Do you know how this must look?"

He frowned. "What do you mean how this looks?"

"I mean," she moved a stride closer, her teeth bared. "_You_ need to start taking responsibility for you actions. You do realize that you are _Head Boy_, don't you?"

"Of cour-"

"Yet, so far, the load has all been on me. That's right. _Me_. Because Merlin forbid James Potter actually give up his Marauder days and _grow up_."

James balked, then glared. "At least I have fun."

"Oh, I have fun. And I would have more if I weren't cleaning up your messes all the time. And now this! You're making our headships look like some big joke! How do you expect me- _either_ of us to get respect from the student body when you're putting Bludgers to the head of your fellow Head?" Lily was fuming. James was opening his mouth to say something but she cut him off. "And don't even _try_ to make a pun out of that."

James closed his mouth, looking a bit put out. Then he frowned and waved a hand dismissively. "Right, because all of that _really_ matters."

Lily took a deep breath, as if trying to supress rage and hurt. "Well maybe it means something to some of us. I'm actually trying. So get your act together, James-" Suddenly she stumbled, clutching her head.

James closed the gap between them, and caught her shoulder. "Lily?" he furrowed his brow.

She blinked and shook her head. Then, coming to, she tore herself from his grasp. "I can take care of myself, thanks."

James concern melted quickly into frustration. He glowered at her. "Go lie down."

Lily returned the glare, her emerald eyes flashing. "I will. Go…grow up." And with that, she stormed her way back through the double doors.

James could feel the rage mingled with guilt boiling in the pit of his stomach. She was so bloody stubborn. At this rate she was never going to give him a chance. And if there was one thing he wanted more than anything at this school, it was a date with Lily Evans.

Fifth year, as he recalled, he was smitten. Sixth, he had been rejected so many times, he was beyond annoyed. In fact, he'd become briefly apathetic…of course until she started dating that weed Menlow Masterson, who, incidentally, had been transferred out of Hogwarts for an incurable case of the black measles and James had been conveniently promoted to prefect. This year…he laughed bitterly to himself…_this_ year he just wanted to prove a point. _No one_ turns down James Potter, and Lily Evans was no exception. There had to be some way to prove himself to her.

The double doors creaked open. Sirius stepped out wearing a frown. "I could hear the yelling. Everything alright then?"

James scoffed and plopped down against the wall. "Oh yes. Perfect. Just fabulous."

"Right." Sirius leaned casually on his broom.

"It's not like I intentionally do these things!" James growled ruefully. "Honestly. How hard can it be to get one sodding date with the girl?"

"Well, that's excellent, James, really. Nothing says 'I want to date you' like a Bludger to the head."

"Har har. Aren't you the bloody Joker today?" James rolled his eyes and slammed his head against the wall.

"Look, Prongs, no one's perfect, not even Evans. Right, mate?" he swept the black locks from his eyes and held a hand out to James. "So let's go get some butterbeer, celebrate our loss, and perhaps…devise a plan?" he wiggled his eyebrows provacatively.

James took his hand and pulled himself up, then grinned back at Sirius. "Alright then. What did you have in mind?"

Sirius waggled his finger. "Ah ah ah! A magician never reveals his secrets. Unless of course, one bribes him with firewhiskey."


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two**

James awoke the next morning with a throbbing temple. He rolled out of bed reluctantly and dropped his head into his hands. "Bloody hell…that's the last time I let you pour the firewhiskey, Padfoot."

The bathroom door creaked open and Sirius stepped out fully dressed in his uniform. "You say that every time, Jamie."

"Don't call me that." James stretched and glared at Sirius. "And just how do you manage to look that good with a hangover?"

"I," he loosened his tie to add to the rumpled and sexy effect, "Unlike you, Jamie, am naturally well-endowed in every aspect of life- especially holding my liquor."

"Is that so?" James drably began pulling on his clothes. "Where are Remus and Pete?"

Sirius held up a hand and began ticking off fingers. "Pete is M.I.A., but presumably stalking that Ravenclaw bird Chancy Lewis, and Moony is currently entertaining his more wolfy bits."

"That time already?" James perked up. "So…are we on for tonight then?"

Sirius hesitated. "Erm…actually, Moony said no."

James dropped his tie. "What? Why not?"

Sirius shrugged. "That's what I said. Plus a few embellishments from which I shall refrain for the sake of feminine ears."

"Huh?" James turned his head to follow Sirius' gaze.

Standing in the threshold of their dorm was Lily Evans, dressed to perfection, her thick auburn hair in an immaculate braid and her almond-shaped green eyes scanning the cluttered room with distaste. "Oh, please don't refrain on my account. I'm used to the language." She shot James an unyielding glare.

He blinked uncomfortably and then turned away, scoffing. "I'm not that much of a cad, thank you." He fumbled with the knot of his tie, getting it twisted round his usually deft fingers. "Oh, bloody hell!" He cried, tossing it across the room.

Lily appeared in front of him almost instantaneously, the tie pinned between her thumb and forefinger. She smiled and held it out to him delicately. "You're going to make me late, Potter."

He glared at her and ripped it from her hand. "Late for what?"

She sighed exasperatedly. "The meeting, James. The _meeting_."

James wrinkled his nose. "_Meeting_?" He began fiddling with his tie once more, this time using the mirror for judgment.

Lily repeated the sigh and followed him across the room. "The _prefect_ meeting, Potter!" she cried at his reflection. "James, please tell me you remembered!"

James scoffed and shrugged nonchalantly. "Er…of course I remembered! Merlin, Lily. I _am_ Head Boy, after all."

"Right. That's fantastic. All this time preparing and I bet you haven't exhausted one puff of energy to produce a single idea from that hollow skull of yours! Oh for- let _me_ do it!" Frustrated with his fumbling fingers, she stepped in front of him and took the tie into her own hands, expertly creating the knot.

James stared down at her for a moment, her cheeks flushed with exasperation and her green eyes glowing intently, clearly swirling with thoughts…most likely fresh insults for him.

"Honestly…" she muttered to herself, her slender fingers smoothing the finished product.

It was momentary, if that, but James felt a shiver go up his spine as she did so. He glanced in the mirror to see Sirius smirking at his reflection, amusement dancing on his features.

James quickly shook out his hair and cleared his throat, then loosened the tie a bit for good measure. But when he turned back around, Sirius was still staring at him with that bloody smirk on his face.

Sirius shifted his attention as Lily turned around.

"How's the thinking cap, Lily dearest?" Sirius took a swig from an unidentified flask and slipped it back into the pocket of his robes. "Still functioning properly, I assume?"

"Perfect, thank you," she replied primly. "How's the equipment functioning, Black? Properly? Or wait…I do believe I heard otherwise from Delana Dove."

Sirius frowned and cracked his knuckles. "Well you heard _wrong_, love. Should we test out your theory?" he smirked and began sidling forward.

Lily stood her ground and whipped out her wand. Sirius went nearly cross-eyed staring down the tip of it, which she had pressed firmly to the end of his nose. He smiled and held up his hands. "Now, now, Lily…let's not be so hasty. Heh heh…"

She glared at him, and then flicked him in the face with it.

"Ow!" He clutched his nose and swore loudly.

"Letch. Now then," she whirled around to meet James once more. "Shall we be going? _Please_? We have a meeting to host."

"Right-O, jolly good!" Sirius sneered as James grabbed his cloak and followed Lily out. He caught James by the shoulder and leaned in briefly. "Remember what we discussed last night. Just stick with the plan."

James hesitated. "Plan?"

Sirius' face dropped. "You've forgotten already?" he slapped himself in the face. "_Prongs_!"

"What?" he shrugged. "It's not like I was completely coherent last night!"

Sirius heaved a sigh and grasped James firmly on the shoulder. "Alright. Just…leave it to me. Okay?"

James narrowed his eyes. "I'm not so sure that's a good idea-"

"Of _course_ it's a good idea. Brilliant in fact," Sirius smiled at his own inventiveness. James could just see the ideas- bad, _bad_ ideas- seeping from every orifice. "Besides- _you_ seemed to think it was a fabulous idea when you were drunk."

"What?! Sirius-"

"James!" Lily poked her head back in the room expectantly. "Are you coming?"

James met Sirius' eyes and gave him one last look; one that said quite blatantly _For the love of all that is good and holy, DO NOT DO ANYTHING UNTIL I GET BACK._

"Yeah. Be right there."

The grin was still glued to Sirius' face, and after they shut the door, James could hear him laughing all the way down the staircase.

---

Lily flicked her wand and the last few chairs aligned themselves in a row. James cocked his head and counted the rows.

"Er… I think that's more than enough. There aren't that many prefects, you know."

"Better safe than sorry, Potter," Lily said primly and sheathed her wand in her pocket. "I want everything to be perfect. After all, we're the-"

"Head Boy and Girl," James finished briskly. "Yes, thank you, I got the notification in August."

Lily frowned and began fussing with the hem of her cloak. "It's just that the Yule Ball is coming up and we have to start planning. Have you even put any thought into a theme?"

"A theme? Isn't the theme, er, winter?" James frowned.

"But that's so _dull_. I want to do something _exciting_!" She held out her hands.

"Exciting. I see." James sniffed and readjusted his footing. "So, er, what's wrong with the normal theme again?"

Lily groaned and threw up her hands. "You don't _get_ it, James! You just don't understand me! You are such a man. How could Dumbledore possibly have made us partners?" She began tugging relentlessly on her necktie. "Argh! Bloody thing is strangling me."

James raised an eyebrow. "What got your knickers in a twist? You've been grouchy all day. I mean, more so. Than usual."

"What? Nothing! I'm…fine…" Lily frowned and fixed her tie. "It's just…"

James' eyes softened. What was wrong? Could he do something to help her? Anything?

"It's just…Oh never mind."

"No, Lily." He put a hand on her shoulder and stared her down. "What's wrong? You can tell me."

She sighed and looked him in the eye. "I've just started my period."

"Auuuugggh!" James wrenched his hand away and wiped it on his cloak. "Er…I mean…Oh! I see…! How…interesting."

Lily didn't seem to notice his reaction. "And I just can't seem to concentrate. I mean, I always get so temperamental this time of month…I want this meeting to go well…"

"Lily," he interrupted, "Say no more. It's all right. I'll make sure the meeting goes fine."

Lily looked him in the eye. "Really? You won't screw it up?"

"Of course not."

"Thank you, James," she said sincerely. "That means a lot."

"No problem! Oh, here they come."

Lily smiled to herself. How sweet! Finally some initiative and-

"Alright, listen up you sods," James hollered. "Ms. Evans here is on the rag and she's not in the best of moods so let's move this little meeting along, shall we?"

All the prefects burst out laughing.

Lily's jaw dropped and her face flushed crimson.

"Oy! Quiet!" They all fell silent but for some sniggering from the Slytherins. James turned and grinned proudly. "See? I told you I'd keep them in line."

"_Potter_!" Lily hissed, mortified. "I can't believe you- you just-"

"No need, Lily," James smiled. "You can make it up to me later." He turned back to the prefects. "Right then. We're planning the Yule Ball. You two there are in charge of the decorations. You four the menu. You four the music. The rest of you…er…continue your prefect-ish things. Got it? Excellent. See you all in a week."

James flicked his wand and the chairs whipped out from underneath their bottoms and aligned themselves back against the wall. Half of the students toppled to the ground. James turned back to Lily, dusted off his hands, and grinned.

But Lily wasn't smiling. In fact, she looked quite ferocious. It wasn't exactly attractive.

"Er…something wrong?"

"YOU – OUTSIDE – NOW!" Lily hollered in his face. She whirled around and stomped out of the Great Hall, shoving the 5th year Hufflepuff prefects out of her way. They looked at one another, baffled.

James caught up with her in the courtyard. It was a crisp autumn day, and the birds were chirping in the trees. The sun was peeking out from behind a few clouds and-

"Ow!" James flung a hand up to his face where he'd felt a sharp sting.

Lily's wand was aimed at him, and glowing orange sparks were spitting out the end.

"Hey!" He rubbed the sore spot. "Now just what is your problem?"

"My prob-" Lily looked as if she was going to explode. "My _problem_ is that everything is a _joke_ to you, James Potter!"

James hesitated. "Now…that may be true, but that's what separates you and I." His eyes narrowed slightly, but the hazel depths of them still danced with amusement. A small breeze picked up and blew a few strands of his mussed hair across his forehead. "So why don't you accept that as a charming part of my personality and put that little wand down."

Lily glowered and tossed back her head. "I will not. You're still laughing at me. And I think the only way to make you stop is to teach you a lesson."

"Ha!" James threw his head back. "You're going to punish your fellow Head? In broad daylight in front of students?"

James jumped just in time. THWACK! A bolt of blue light shot from the tip of her wand, and nearly took off his leg. The hem of his right pant leg smoldered a bit, and he raised his head to meet Lily's angry eyes incredulously. "You did _not_ just do that, Evans. Tell me that was an accident."

A few students who were studying by the fountain quickly packed up their things and scattered.

"On the contrary, Potter," Lily cocked her head tauntingly. "I'm sorry to say it wasn't."

James smirked and shook his head. With a quick flick, he'd rolled up his sleeves, and his wand appeared in his hand as if it had Apparated on it's own. "You really think you can take me in a Wizard's Duel?"

"That's not even a question in my mind, Potter."

"Well then, shall we-"

"_EXPELLIARMUS_!"

James wand went flying across the courtyard as did he, his back slamming painfully into a pillar. He clutched his head and looked up just in time to see a blast of orange heading straight for him. He tumbled nimbly out of the way and stretched his hand out toward his wand, wedged in a bush. "_Accio_," he hissed, and his wand rushed back into his clutches.

He leapt up just in time to fire a counter-jinx, which made Lily stumble. "So _that's_ how we're going to play it, eh?" He adjusted his glasses and twirled his wand complexly. "_Engorgio_!"

"_Protego_!" Lily repelled the charm and shot another back at James, who dodged once more.

"There's a reason it's called a _Wizard's_ Duel, Evans," James shouted, grinning, as he blocked her hex, "and not a _Witch's_ Duel."

Lily fumed and narrowed her eyes. She mumbled something to herself and fired a blast from her wand. James smirked and flicked his wand to shield himself, but Lily was too quick. James was thrown back from the force, and blue gunk began oozing from his ears. "Ugh! Disgusting!" James shook his head furiously, and more goo flung across the courtyard. "But brilliant," he grinned.

Lily was silently congratulating herself, and missed James' quick comeback. Small red hives began popping up all over her skin and itched liked the dickens. "Argh!" She cried, scratching her skin uncontrollably in between firing more random hexes.

James shouted more back, and sparks, flames, and bolts of light shot back and forth over the cobblestones. There were chunks missing from stone pillars, rose bushes with smoldering holes through their centers, and benches overturned.

A few giant boils sprouted on James' bum and he grabbed himself with a sharp wince. "Ooh! Damn it, Evans, that's it! You're finished!" He raised his wand high and brought his arm down in one violent sweeping motion, crying, "_Re_-"

"_WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS_?"

Lily and James froze, wands hanging numbly in midair. Neither could move.

McGonagall stood at the center of the courtyard, a fleck of blue gunk on her otherwise immaculate black robes. Her wand was pointed at them, a freezing charm having just escaped her pursed lips.

Robes billowing, she stepped cautiously over the rubble and bits of shrubbery to where the two Head students were glued helplessly to the spot. "Now this is even crossing the line for _you_, Potter, but Ms. Evans. I _never_…" She shook her head, and Lily's eyes dropped shamefully to her frozen feet.

With a flick of McGonagall's hand, the two were released from the spell and toppled to the stone floor.

"Really, now. _What_ is going on, you two? Head Boy and Girl behaving in such a fashion. And in broad daylight no less!" She grimaced and shook her head. "Disgraceful."

"Please, professor, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean for this to get so out of-" Lily tried to explain, not that there really was an excuse, but McGonagall held up a hand to silence her.

"I think you two are going to have to resolve your problems in detention. One month each, starting today. And 50 points from Gryffindor."

James opened his mouth to protest, but McGonagall silenced him. "Nothing out of you, Potter. This is completely inappropriate behavior for Head students. You should be setting an example! If there are issues you two need to sort out, I suggest you take advantage of all this time you will be spending together. Now, you can start by going straight to Madame Pomfrey, then my office this evening at 5 o'clock. Do _not_ be tardy."

With that, she took one last bitter look at the demolished courtyard and turned on her heel.

"Well I hope you're happy, Potter," Lily growled, scratching her arms. "You've completely ruined my reputation!"

"Me?" he exclaimed. "You did this to yourself, Evans. Don't be blaming me for you imperfections."

"Imperfections? If anyone is imperfect it's _you_, James, you bloody prat."

"Lily!" James bellowed, furiously. "No one is perfect! Except _you_, apparently. Merlin! Get over yourself."

Before Lily could respond, James stomped off to the hospital wing, leaving Lily to stew. She opened her mouth then shut it again. How dare he? _He_ was the self-absorbed one, after all. Not her. Merlin forbid she try to be the best she possibly could. Was that a crime?

She scratched at her rash and wandered over to the fountain and peered at her reflection. Along with the glowing red hives, she had somehow sprouted an extra set of ears, her left eye was blackened, and her hair, now purple, was standing on end.

Right. Perfect.

---

"Double, double, toil and trouble…" Sirius hummed to himself as he wandered the halls. He stopped whistling when he spotted exactly what he was looking for. "Oy! Pete!"

Peter Pettigrew turned his chubby blonde head and lit up when he spotted Sirius. "Oh, h-hey, Padfoot! Erm, I was wondering…" he shifted his bulging bag up higher on his shoulder. "Do you think we'll be…y-you know…" he lowered his voice to a wobbly whisper, "_doing y-y-you-know-what with M-moony anytime soon_?"

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Yes, yes."

"Oh good!" Peter brightened. "It's just, we haven't in quite awhile and I was b-beginning to think you were all going w-w-wi-without me or s-something-"

Sirius grabbed Peter's arm and turned him around, dragging him back down the hall in the direction he came from. "Listen, mate. I need your help."

"Oh! Well sure! Anything. What is it?" Peter stumbled along beside Sirius, trying to keep up with Sirius' long, slender legs.

Sirius lowered his voice and shook his feathery hair from his eyes. They glowed mischievously. "I've got to do James this favor, you see. It has to do with a certain red-haired fox."

"Lily," Peter interjected knowledgably.

"Right. Anyway, can you brew a potion up for me?"

Peter shrugged. "Sure. What do you need?"

Sirius tapped his chin. "Well I was thinking something along the lines of… Amortentia."

Peter stopped dead in his tracks and looked Sirius in the eye, quite uncharacteristically. "Amortentia." His voice was deadpan.

"Yes."

"Please tell me you're j-joking."

"No I am not."

Peter shook his head and turned around. "N-no. No way, Padfoot. That is crossing the line. Love potions are already outlawed in Hogwarts, but to brew the most powerful one in the w-world? I don't think so. Sorry."

Sirius grabbed at his sleeve. "C'mon, Pete! Please? Just this once- it's for a good cause, I promise."

"Doubtful."

"Pete. What about all those times I've helped you out?"

Peter looked at him. "Do tell."

"Touché." Sirius followed him down the corridors. "But this is a one time thing. It's for James. You've got to do it, Pete. You're the only one I can trust."

"Really?" Peter's voice softened a bit. "M-me?"

Sirius nodded matter-of-factly. "That's right, Wormtail. Only you can do this for me. You are fabulous at Potions, after all."

Peter was quiet a moment and then stopped in his tracks. The dark corridor was empty but for the mumbling of some paintings on the wall. "You swear it's for a good cause?"

"On my marauder's heart of mayhem."

"Comforting."

"So you'll do it?" Sirius nudged him expectantly.

Peter sighed. "I'm not saying I can even brew the stuff. It's extremely difficult, you know! Not to mention d-d-da-dangerous."

"Well you wouldn't be a Marauder otherwise."

"Look. I'll t-try. But I can't promise anything, Padfoot."

"Excellent." Sirius ruffled his blonde hair and sauntered off. "Meet me in the dungeons tonight!"

"Tonight?" Peter called back. "But I have to meet Chancy in the library for-" he paused and looked up to see a withered old woman in black peering down at him from one of the paintings. She was holding an ear trumpet and listening intently. Peter frowned and stalked off, cursing Sirius along the way.

Amortentia…how in the name of Merlin was he going to get away with brewing that?


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three**

_"Edna, darling...just this once, could you hold me?" _

_She gazed back into his dark hazel eyes, running a hand over his smooth rippling muscles, and up through his tousled black hair. "Anything for you, my sweet." With that, she pulled her forbidden lover close to her bosom and rocked him quiet__l__y into the night. _

_"What would I do without you?" He traced her lips with his finger, his gaze hotly following the curves of her body. _

_She tossed her flaming mane to expose the top of her chest, busting out over the lacy edge of her corset. "Starve...just as _I_ am starving now...for _you_, Gregory. Take me!" _

_Gregory stared back hungrily, and reached for the laces of her dress. With one swift motion, he ripped her bodice in two, and dove into the glorious porcelain flesh of his true love-_

Lily sighed and slammed the book shut. This was doing nothing for her. She glanced around the library forlornly. Even though the book she was reading- _The Auror and the Harlot_- was quite riveting (it was a longtime favorite), she couldn't focus.

_No one is perfect! Except you, apparently. Merlin! Get over yourself._

James' words spiraled about in Lily's head. After she'd been patched up in the hospital wing (hair and face back to normal- no oozing pus), Lily had buried herself amongst the books in her favorite section of the library- witch fiction. She tried to keep her secret obsession just that- a secret- so she had charmed the cover to read _Dangerous Drought Potions and Their Remedies_. She glanced at the large grandfather clock and noted that it was nearly five. She casually slipped the novel back into her knapsack, and made her way to McGonagall's office for her detention.

Disgraceful...a Head Girl with a detention! As if it weren't humiliating enough, people were already talking about what happened in the courtyard. Some of the rumors claimed that Lily Evans had murdered James Potter and others even referred to it as a lovers' quarrel! Frankly, she wasn't quite sure which rumor was worse, but deep down she did like the idea of being the fearsome Machiavellian leader that destroyed the infamous James Potter for the good of her Headship and the school. Regardless, she was relentlessly receiving foul stares from just about every preteen witch in Hogwarts, as well as many heavily-lashed glares from girls in her own year.

She was still pondering the issue when she reached McGonagall's office door. Unfortunately she had arrived just as James had, and the closest thing that came to a greeting was the mutual sneer they exchanged. They both tried to enter the doorway at the same time, getting caught in a wedge position.

"After _you_- urg- _Evans_," James grunted, shoving his way in.

"No, no- oof- _Potter_. After- urg- _you_!" Lily jabbed him in the side with her elbow.

"Augh!" They both shouted simultaneously as the threshold magically widened, and they toppled to the ground inside. The door slammed shut behind them.

They glanced up to see the dark, towering form of McGonagall glaring down at them, wand in hand. "This is beyond ridiculous, I _must_ say. Now, both of you, have a seat."

Lily and James were magically dragged to a standing position by their ears, grimacing all the way to the red velvet armchairs in front of McGonagall's magnificent mahogany desk.

"Right," she pursed her lips and glared at them both. "What do you have to say for yourselves?"

Lily and James sat there silently, arms crossed like petulant children.

McGonagall narrowed her eyes behind the small reading glasses at the tip of her nose. "Well, _I've_ had quite a bit of time to think about this, and I've come to the conclusion that detention is an inappropriate punishment for the damage you caused."

Lily's insides suddenly curdled. What...she didn't mean...expulsion? "Professor, please-" she said weakly.

McGonagall silenced her with a look. James eyed Lily smugly. He loved watching little miss perfect squirm.

"You will be attending weekly counseling sessions with the school's Mind Analyst to improve your working relationship and demeanor until further notice."

This time James' jaw dropped. "You've got to be joking!"

"No, Mr. Potter, I assure you I am not."

Even Lily looked reproachful. "Professor, really, I don't think that's necessary-"

"I don't think either of you are in any position to object. Now-"

James was visibly furious. "How long do we have to attend for?"

"Until, Potter," McGonagall clasped her hands, "I see sufficient progress."

"Right..." Lily said dejectedly, sinking into her chair. She was pretty confident that meant forever, since there was a damn good chance she and James would never get along.

"And if there is no 'sufficient progress?'" James stood up defiantly.

McGonagall stood in response and leaned across the desk on the palms of her hands, her pale and slender fingers splayed atop the dark wood of the desktop. "Then you will both forfeit your Headships, and expulsion will be strongly recommended."

---

"Ugh…Mind Analysts…they're basically healers who couldn't finish their training!" Lily buried her face in her hands. She had plopped down atop the trunk at the foot of her bed, and was unloading her troubles on her friend.

"Right…" Audrey grimaced, searching for a few comforting words. "They are quite dreadful. But hey, it is Hogsmeade this weekend!" She pointed out cheerfully.

Lily lifted her face, her expression changing. "Oh, it is…" Suddenly she gasped. "It IS! Oh damn it. Bloody Merlin!"

Audrey cowered a bit at the outburst. "What?"

"I completely forgot about the Yule Ball Décor list!"

Audrey's face dimmed. "Oh. That's all."

"That's _all_?" Lily leapt off the trunk. "That's _ALL_? I can't go to Hogsmeade this weekend because James and I have our first session. Great. Now I have to get this sorted with him."

Audrey looked sympathetic. "I'm sure it will work out. After all, you are Lily Evans. You always find a way!"

Lily smiled weakly. "Thanks, but…I have a very bad feeling about this year. Things aren't off to the best start, you know?"

"Yes, but…you have me!" Audrey gave her a tight hug. "And I can work my way through the list for you. I'll just enlist a few of the prefects. They are your cronies now, you know."

Lily rested her head gratefully on her shoulder. "Thanks, Addie."

"No problem. Now you just go curl up with that trashy novel and get some rest."

Lily perked and glared at her. "I don't know what your talking about."

Audrey raised an eyebrow. "Really. Then I guess you wouldn't be able to explain why the _Harlot_ and the _Auror_ bear such a striking resemblance to a certain two people we know so well."

"Again," Lily folded her arms, a steady blush creeping across her cheeks. "I don't know what you're talking about."

---

James spent the rest of the day sulking in the Common Room. Bloody woman...How dare she send _James Potter_ to a Mind Analyst? If anyone at the school was not of sound mind, it was most definitely Evans.

He was pondering a way out of his predicament when Sirius appeared unannounced, slipping casually into one of the fraying velvet armchairs nearby. He sprawled out and threw back his head languorously.

"What are you so exhausted from?" James perked up a bit at the appearance of his best friend.

"Delana. After your woman brought up some ridiculous rumor about me _lacking_ in bed, I had to go set the record straight." He shook the layers of hair from his startlingly gray eyes. " 's all taken care of."

James gritted his teeth. "She is _not_ my _woman_."

Sirius's eyes widened. "Alright, I'm sorry. Er...what did you do this time?"

"ME?" James leapt off the sofa. "_I_ didn't do a bloody thing! That- that- _she_ got us detention with McGonagall today."

"Lily? You're joking. Well it's just a detention. Not like you haven't skived out on those before." Sirius casually picked at his finger.

James began pacing in front of the fire. "I _apologized_ for the whole Bludger incident. I even tried to make up for it at the Prefect meeting..."

"I've no doubt," Sirius rolled his eyes. "And yet..."

"And yet," James continued, unaware, "here I am being forced to attend some sodding counseling session thanks to her."

"Wait- wait- wait- say again?" Sirius was grinning, and he was now sitting upright in his chair, blatantly attentive.

James shot a glare into the flames. "Doesn't matter. I'm not going anyway."

Sirius was cracking up. "Mate- you've got to see a Mind Analyst with her?" He was practically rolling on the floor.

"Thanks for the support." James eyed him numbly. "Really."

Sirius was near tears.

"It's not _that_ bloody amusing. And I'm not going, so what's it matter?" James plopped down on the sofa, grimacing.

"Look, mate," Sirius caught his breath, "If you ever want a date with her, you're going to have to start following the rules on occasion. None of this 'I'm James effing Potter' shit. She doesn't like that."

"So what do you propose I do?" James challenged.

"Well, don't you worry about that Prongs. I've got everything under control. You go to your little meeting...when is it again?"

"Saturday after lunch."

"Right...that's perfect..." Sirius muttered to himself. James was about to question him, but Sirius cut him off and continued. "Then meet me in the Astronomy Tower at midnight on Saturday. I'll explain everything."

James's face contorted. "I'm not snogging you, mate."

Sirius glared, "No, damn it, I have a _plan_. Just meet me, yeah?"

"Fine." James sighed and laid his head back.

---

Saturday rapidly approached, and to both Lily and James' dismay, it was beautiful, atypical, sunny autumn weather.

Lily and James sighed collectively from opposite ends of Gryffindor Tower. Lily, smoothing her ponytail, gave the window one last longing glance. James too departed wistfully, mourning the loss of an excellent Zonko's shopping adventure with Sirius.

The two ate their lunches in silence amidst the first and second years left behind, bitterly chewing and swallowing each bite in anticipation of their punishment.

When Lily arrived at the small office with a haphazardly conjured sign reading "Byron Munch, _certified Mind Analyst,_" she privately determined the outlook on the day had become sufficiently more bleak. With a heaving sigh, she entered the small office.

Munch had not yet arrived, but much to Lily's dismay, James had. He was lounging in one of the large blue velvet armchairs, one leg perched on Byron Munch's desk.

"_Lily_." James shot her a hardened glare.

"_James_." Lily returned the stony look.

She took a reluctant seat beside James and shifted her chair a bit further away for good measure.

"So." James began in a stiff conversational tone. "Still on your little feminine cycle this week?"

"Ugh!" Lily glared at him in disbelief. "None of your _business_ you sorry lech."

James pulled a quill from his pocket and began scribbling something on a scrap of parchment. "I'll take that as a yes."

She frowned and began tapping her foot impatiently. James was still scribbling notes, she noticed. The curiosity was too strong. Subtly, she leaned in to catch a glimpse of the words, but James quickly snapped it away.

"Nosy, are we?" he smirked. "I understand, Lils. It is your nature, after all."

Lily's jaw dropped. She was about to speak a few words in her defense, but the door burst open and a small, stout man with a deep receding hairline entered in puffy blue robes. The cherry on top was his artfully waxed handlebar moustache, coming to a curled point at each end.

"Greetings, young gentlefolk!" the man whom Lily presumed to be Byron Munch glided into the room, shaking their hands roughly. He finally took a seat and clasped his hands in delight, leaning forward on his pudgy elbows. "I am Byron Munch, certified Mind Analyst and regular third Tenor in the Handsome Hogsmedian Quartet. So! Tell me! What are your names?"

"I'm Lily Evans," she recited primly from her chair.

"Excellent! Hello, dear. And you, sir?" Munch turned his attention to James, who was chewing blandly on a stick of gum.

"Cornelius Codswallup. Pleasure."

Lily choked.

Munch seemed not to notice and grinned delightedly. "Excellent! I knew a Cornelius once. Well…he got the wrong end of a skrewt once and- ahem- well the rest is tragic, really, but, ah-"

Lily interrupted. "Excuse me, Mr. Munch-"

James rolled his eyes.

"I'm sorry, but his name is not Cornelius. It's James Potter."

Munch looked taken aback, as if he'd never been lied to. Lily sighed inwardly. Poor man. And his first experience with harsh reality was going to be James Potter.

"It's my nickname," James eyed Lily challengingly, a playful glint in his eye.

"Oh! Fabulous!" Munch exclaimed. "I just love nicknames. Let's see…mine was-"

But while Munch was reminiscing, James was trying to get Lily's attention. Lily was about to shoot him a glare when her eyes widened at what he was holding: _Dangerous Drought Potions and Their Remedies_.

_Where did he get that? _Lily felt her face go numb as James tapped the cover underneath the ledge of the desk with his wand. The swirling letters _The Auror and the Harlot_ scrawled slowly across the front. He unfolded the scrap of parchment he had been scribbling on earlier. It read:

_Shall we discuss this during today's session? Or maybe save the role playing for later…?_

Lily's gaping mouth said it all.

James grinned.

"And you, dear? What is your nickname?" Munch broke Lily from her stupor.

"Er…" Lily hesitated.

James interjected for her. "It's mop-face, sir."

Lily felt her jaw drop. James winked at her.

"Oh…is…it?" Munch raised his eyebrows.

"Erm, yes…" Lily replied haltingly. If she didn't play along with James, he was bound to reveal her embarrassing secret passion. "For…all those times…I…had…a mop…er…in my face."

"Good times," James nodded intently.

Lily could feel her face heating up. More from anger than embarrassment.

Much to her relief, Munch stood up and changed topics. "Right then. Let's begin, shall we? I know that Professor McGonagall sent you here for a specific reason."

Lily was seething in her chair, hardly paying attention.

"For these first few sessions, we will be exploring what I like to call the "Three C's: Cooperation, Communication, and Compassion."

"Might we," Lily interrupted, never taking her eyes off James, "explore Anger and Revenge this session instead?"

"Or perhaps," James eyed her back, "neurosis that drives people to live in secret fantasy worlds with secret _passions_?"

"Ahem!" Munch clapped his hands primly. "I'm sorry…though those are both…er…_worthy_ topics, we will be sticking to the schedule. Now. Trust is a very important part of Cooperation. So, James, if you will please stand for me?"

James smirked at Lily, and languorously stood up and stretched, walking to the empty space behind the chairs.

"Lovely. Now you, Lily."

Lily reluctantly followed suit and stood facing James, arms crossed.

"Alright now. This is a technique to help ensure that there is a solid bond of trust between both parties. Lily, will you please stand behind James."

Lily complied. James smirked. "Nice view?" he whispered.

She grimaced and waited for further instruction.

"Now, James. I want you to fall backward. Lily is going to catch you, representing that deep rooted trust." Munch waved his hands eagerly. "Alright, alright. On the count of three. One…two…three!"

James fell backwards and crashed to the floor, head cracking painfully on the stone. He opened his eyes dizzily, and blinked the stars away to find Lily gazing down at him.

"Whoops," she said, flicking a bit of lint off her sleeve. "I thought the count was to four."

Munch began wringing his hands. "Oh dear."


End file.
